bribery at its best

In November of 2013, we'd scheduled family pictures with my dear friend, a professional photographer. I'd spent hours planning outfits, scouting out locations and searching out the perfect red lipstick. The kiddos and I had decided upon our agreed bribery reward. I never bribe my kiddos more than I do for family pictures. I'd all but convinced KK how much she needed pops of color when I myself ended up with my all time favorite color...black. I ate my words,  revamped my outfit, secured our bribery arrangement and penned in our date.

Picture day came and along with came a puke fest from a child who will remain anonymous-although his name rhymes with pole and he's got killer dimples. I felt for him but I felt sorry for myself, too.

We rescheduled our photo shoot for another day. That day came and child number two, whose name will remain anonymous- rhymes with bennedy and has killer dimples,  rose to the occasion and produced vomit as well. Talented kids, I tell ya. I was starting to wonder if they'd set me up.

So with all due respect for the photographer, who will remain anonymous but name rhymes with smelly and is gorgeous, we canceled. Again. Two days later, vomit free, I snapped pictures with my small camera and rushed them to the computer to download for Christmas cards.

The pictures were fine. The kiddos were adorable. But it'd been five years since we'd had professional pictures and the desire was still there. The kids had changed so much, J is now bald and I have more "laugh lines." Plus, I'd changed the decor in our family room and our last pictures didn't coordinate.  Don't tell me I'm alone in coordinating our pictures to match our home decor. Shhh, don't tell me.

This past October I'd called my friend to schedule our pictures.  Again, I'd spend hours planning outfits, scouting out locations and searching out the perfect red lipstick.

I'd said my prayers practically begging God for healthy children, great attitudes and a low maintenance bribery agreement once again.

I was even willing to pull the kids from school early to accommodate the Arizona sunset. At this point, I was willing to work with whatever our photographer suggested. She could've told me to show up in a bikini and I probably would have.

No, not really.
I mean, come on.

I did indeed pick up my sweet morsels from school early and when I did, one in particular-whose name will remain anonymous, rhymes with grody and has killer dimples, had flushed red cheeks and was "soooooo tired."

Considering I'm a year older and a year wiser, I wasn't going to let them pull one over on me. We headed home from school and I prepared a feast of healthy snacks, ya know, to bribe their bodies into being awesome.

I then applied every essential oil combination in prevention of...well, anything... to said child's body.
And then again I said more prayers and presented my boys with their outfits.  Now, I'd learned in the past not to show the boys what I'd chosen for them to wear prior to the photo shoot. New clothes of my choice + them = immediate refusal.

After I pulled myself off the floor from utter shock, I smiled and thanked one of my boys- who will remain anonymous but rhymes with mole and has killer dimples- because without ANY bribery at all said, "Mom, sure, I'll wear that."

Yes, I was elated but the most challenging child had not yet seen my selection. That child- who will remain anonymous but rhymes with cody and has killer dimples- is the deal breaker. In prevention of his objection, I'd sent him to school in casual clothes that coordinated with our selections. By golly, if I couldn't get him to wear what I'd selected, he. will. wear. colors. I. choose.

I strategically placed his outfit on the couch, slowly backed out of the room and prayed.
I planned my bribery attack.
Prayed again.
Then, very slowly, I reentered the room faking confidence and positivity.

And my prayers were answered.
JOY.
No bribery.
JOY.
Just smiles.
JOY.
In fact, I even heard, "Mom, this is awesome!'

It was a fun 45 minutes. No puke, no arguments and no bribery.  In fact the only thing I could complain about was the fact someone-who will remain anonymous but rhymes with 'my-bell' and has laugh lines-was squinting in so many pictures because she was laughing too hard.